He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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