Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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