Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
