So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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