I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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