The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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