a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
