Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
