i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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