they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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