genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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