My balls are so social today.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can I color on your dick again?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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