Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
