MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
