she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have fence marks all over my body
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize