Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
