Im at strip club and am horny
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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