i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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