STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
