Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
