he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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