i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
