i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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