Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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