i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His nipple licking is glorious
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