She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize