as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
