she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
