I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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