my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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