if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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