even my farts smell like vagina
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
