woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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