He asked to "fluff my boner.."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You pole danced in your parka.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
