we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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