I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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