Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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