She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
