can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
