So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
