I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
