Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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