I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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