dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
