I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
