Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
