And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize