oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
