My brain says no but my pants say off.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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