Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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