Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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