Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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