saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
