the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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