my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
