New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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