I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
