i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
