So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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