My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
