look no pants
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
