I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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