Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
