i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize