would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't turn off my feet"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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