Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
