i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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