I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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