the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
