found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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