problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
