I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
