I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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