Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
