hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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